Days 60-64

May 16-20

This week has been about trying to help my mom realize that her helpers were here to help her....she has really rebelled against help.  Not just people help from people but the help of the walker, oxygen and mask.  I have seen my mom become very angry when anyone tries to "remind" her what she "should" be doing, this anger has been rough to watch not to mention receive.  She argues with me when I remind what the doctor or therapist has said that she is to do....if I correct her it upsets her.  I finally called the doctor who fit my mom in the next morning, Thursday.

My mom has been getting better.  Everyday she looks more and more like herself.  She still has a bad appetite and is not eating very much but she will drink an Ensure here and there.  She still gets a little unsteady though and needs help moving from the shower but otherwise is doing quite well.  The doctors have been worried about her memory and whether or not she has sustained any brain damage.  I have seen her memory get better the longer she is home but I really needed to know if she was ok cognitively.  So Deborah (Kaiser nurse and my friend) came over and did a cognitive test with my mom.  I listened from the other room (as I was chasing my kids around) and she seems to be answering the questions well. It took about 45 minutes and they were done and Deborah told her that she did so well..that she had some short term memory recall but that could be due to normal aging.  She told my mom that it is important for her to "use" her brain with word games and reading and that it was also important to eat well and exercise.  I know my mom heard her....and Deborah tried to get my mom to do some exercises buy laying on the floor herself and demonstrating how to do them...my mom said that she would do them tomorrow.  That seems to be a standard answer especially when we were working on the mask.  Deborah's visit help me to make the decisions that I was being forced into anyways.

I took the day off to take my mom to the doctor.  I had not spoken to the doctor directly but his staff knew that my mom was having a hard time and was feeling frustrated with the whole thing (people in her house among other things).  So the doctor came in and asked my mom why she was there....I had a pen and paper ready to take notes because part of the problem is that my mom would hear one thing and I heard another and when I corrected her she would get so upset with me (I am just trying to do the right thing)....My mom told the doctor that she wants to get "rid of everything" and he asked "what's everything?" and she pointed to the walker and the oxygen and told him about the mask (that she has tried really hard to wear it but she just can't stand it) - I had taken her to the mask place to have her try different ones on and talk to the respiratory therapist and I thought we had "the one" but obviously not - So the doctor told her that she can not force her to use anything that it is against the law for him to force her to do anything - he can only advise her and tell her the pros and cons to the decisions.  She told him that she didn't want all the people in her house (I understand this but we were told not to leave her alone for awhile so we have pieced it together with paid folks and friends and me to keep her safe).  So the doctor told her that he felt that she should not be alone all the time that there should be people checking on her, he told her that she should wear the mask at least part of the time as a little bit is better than no time, he checked her oxygen levels while she was on the Oxygen then took it off then had her walk and took her levels again....the numbers were good so he told her to try to not wear it but if she felt light headed or short of breath then she should wear it and that she SHOULD wear it while she is sleeping.  Then she asked about driving.....he said absolutely no driving and she asked how long until she could again and he said that it would be at least 3 months and maybe 6 months since she had a seizure..it is the law.  I looked this up and sure enough it said 6 months but that it could possibly be 3 months.  So my mom left the appointment without oxygen and walked to the car....with her walker.  We met Evie (our awesome careperson) in the waiting room and headed for Starbucks...my mom was in a much better mood after that appointment...she got what she wanted...I just hope it is all right.  That day my mom let everyone go...she didn't need anymore help...so everyone stopped.

Thursday....my kids and I came over as the physical therapist was coming over.  My mom was in her room with me and had just decided that she wanted to wear the oxygen as she felt a little short of breath so she put the canula on.  I was in her closet trying to help her figure out her clothes.  The phone rang and my mom jumped up...I stayed in the closet and heard a crash and Michael yell for me.....I knew that my mom must have fallen.  Sure enough - my heart was racing when I ran out to the living room to find Lis lying on the floor...she had tripped over the oxygen cart that was laying on the floor.  I checked her out and helped her sit up and then get up and sit in her chair....I found no marks...she said that her elbow and shoulder hurt but there was no swelling..I checked out her head as she hit that too....there was no mark.  A few minutes later the therapist arrived and I told her that she had just fallen and she said, very casually, "I'm not surprised" - wow I thought her reaction would have been different.  BUT she had been concerned all along how my mom wasn't careful with her movements.....makes me wonder if she will be falling again.

Friday - first day home alone.....I think my mom loved it - we showed up about 4:30 and Deborah about 5:00 we left her about 7:30 and she was on her way to bed - we did not stay the night.....she wanted to be alone so I honored that especially after her assessment showed what it did...I would not have been able to let her stay alone if I knew/thought that she wasn't in her right mind.

Saturday I talked to her in the late morning and we talked about what time I would pick her up for the wedding reception that we were going to.  I told her I would call on my way but that I would be there about 3:30 as the party started at 4:00 at the club.  I arrived to my mom sitting on her bed trying to get ready and she told me that everything takes so much longer now......we left and went to the club..everyone was excited to see her and she sat down in a chair and talked with people as I ran around.  I had the oxygen in the car just in case but she never needed it.  We went back to her house for a little while then I went home to my own house and we had decided that we would get together for lunch on Sunday.  We left her house about 8:00.

Sunday....it has now been 2 months and 5 days since this all began.....wild.  She called about 10:30 wondering where we were I told her that Malena was napping and we would be on our way when she woke up...great she said call on our way.  We went to the club for lunch...she said hi to many people and they were all happy to see her.  When we got home from the club Shirley came down for a few minutes and then we headed out as my mom was tired.  She called me later and said that she had not taken a nap and was going to go to bed early.

I know that I am not writing everyday...things a cruising along now and my mom has what she wanted - a quiet house.  Phone calls would be good and some visits if you want to - she talks more and more like herself.